You Know That Constant Feeling Like Time Is Running Out?

And at 38, It can be hard not to compare and not to feel you’re behind. Even if I back my choices completely. I genuinely love my life. And if I’m really honest I don’t even know if I actually want what they have, at least not yet anyway. But that doesn’t stop the thought creeping in - should I be further ahead by now? Even when rationally I know this is exactly the life I chose and the life that’s meant for me, that old conditioning, that old belief system, finds a way in.

What I didn’t realise until recently is how much that feeling is actually tied to perfectionism.

I always knew I was a perfectionist. But I think I’d only ever scratched the surface of what that actually meant. It’s only now, unpacking all of this, that I’m starting to see just how much that one label has been quietly tied to everything - the time pressure, the exhaustion, the constant need to be on, to be performing, to always be “good.”

It’s been running the show for a long time. I just didn’t know it.

I’m starting to realise just how much pressure I’ve been unknowingly putting on myself. This quiet, constant pressure running in the background that I’ve been lowkey disregarding, not fully acknowledging, because I’m a perfectionist.

And the tricky thing about being a perfectionist is that you don’t always see it as a problem. You just think you have high standards. You think you’re driven. You think this is just who you are.

In my last post I wrote about performance energy and putting on an act to be accepted by others. I feel like perfectionism and performance are two ends of the same string. One feeds the other. And I’m only just starting to see how deep that string actually goes.

The symptoms of this show up in ways I’m only just starting to name.

That constant feeling of running out of time. Always behind, always catching up, never quite done. Even when I’ve had a full, productive day, somehow it never feels like enough.

Almost getting concerned when I have a really great day - productive, good training, good balance of socialising, mindfulness and flow - because I know I’ll want to replicate it the next day. And I already know I won’t be able to hit that same level of satisfaction. So even a good day comes with its own quiet pressure. Even joy becomes something to perform.

Putting time pressure on myself to be focused and productive. And my body physically responds - tight shoulders, dizziness. A stressed state. These are all little subconscious things I’m doing to myself without even realising, and my physical body is the one paying the price.

Feeling like I don’t have time to stop and chat. Like I’m always somewhere to be, something to do. Always on.

And then there’s this one - putting pressure on myself to feel good and be positive and bubbly every day. Because this is who I am. But it’s also not realistic to be upbeat every single day. Nobody is. And instead of showing people the low version of me, I’d rather hide away. Which probably makes it worse. Holding such a high standard for myself and then feeling bad about not being high vibe, like even my emotions have to be perfect.

And if any of this sounds familiar - the tight shoulders, the low level stress even on a light day, the feeling that you don’t have time to stop or breathe, like there’s always something more you should be doing - you’re probably not imagining it. This is what perfectionism actually looks like when it’s running quietly in the background of your life.

And it turns out, this isn’t just me.

Psychology actually backs this up. Perfectionism is strongly linked to toxic comparison - seeing others outperform us, especially at things relevant to our own lives, directly impacts self-esteem and fuels that “not doing enough” feeling. (Psychology Today)

Research also shows that perfectionists tend to live with a moving goal line - as soon as one goal is met, a higher one takes its place. Success rarely feels satisfying, leading to chronic exhaustion and a constant sense that nothing is ever enough. (Psychology Today)

And social media makes it worse. Seeing others’ highlight reels - the investment properties, the babies, the milestones — reinforces the belief that anything less than that is failure. It fuels obsessive self-monitoring and an overwhelming fear of being judged, even when rationally we know we’re comparing our behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s best moments. (Counseling Today, 2025)

Which means that feeling of time running out, the comparison to where others are at, the pressure to always be performing - it’s not a personal flaw. It’s not weakness. It’s what perfectionism actually looks like when it’s running quietly in the background of your life.

Even as I write this now, I had a thought - you don’t have time to be doing this, you should be working. This isn’t flowing.

And yeah, of course it’s not flowing. Because I’m feeling guilt, time pressure, and a head full of shoulds.

And just as I was about to put the pen down, I stopped myself.

Where has this pressure to perform come from? This pressure to be productive, to be perfect - where did it even start?

Let’s unpack it.

As a kid I remember being the black sheep of the family. The third child. On some level I felt forgotten about. And I was always scared of getting in trouble.

So that’s probably where this need to be perfect started. If I wasn’t “good”, I’d get in trouble. So I learned to be good. Or at least look like it.

At school it showed up the same way - flying under the radar. I was naughty but managed to uphold the “good girl” exterior. Nobody really knew. With boyfriends, with work, always trying to not get in trouble. Always performing. Always managing how I was perceived so I could stay safe.

The common theme running through all of it: having to be perfect so I don’t get in trouble. And if I get in trouble, I’ll be punished and I won’t be loved.

And that’s it, right there.

Fear that if I’m not perfect, I will be unloveable.

I literally just learnt this about myself right now, here, writing these words. Not in therapy, not after years of reflection - just now, in this moment, with you. And that’s the thing about writing honestly - sometimes the truth just falls out of the pen before your brain has a chance to catch up.

So cool. Now we have that information - then what?

Now it comes down to bringing awareness to the times I’m being a perfectionist. And when you can bring awareness to it that’s when you can change it.

When I feel that pressure, that perfectionism creeping in, I stop. I bring compassion and I talk to my inner child with kindness.

“Oh little Lena, you’ve fallen back into that old belief again. It’s ok.”

I acknowledge it. Then I use Ho’oponopono (A Hawaiian healing practice.)

I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.

I feel it clear by saying those words. I close my eyes. I visualise giving my inner child a hug. See the love, bring the compassion.

And then I act in a way that a non-perfectionist would.

Take away the time deadline. Let the task go completely - come back to it later, or whatever you were doing that triggered it. Let it go. Or do it while being mindful, without the pressure attached.

Because here’s the thing. The task was never really the problem. The story attached to it was.

I used to just avoid these discomforts. Push through, perform, hide the low days, and quietly wonder why I always felt like I was running on empty. But over my years of healing, from all of my learnings, I’ve picked up pieces along the way, and this is how I heal. This is how I break the patterns that have been holding me back for so long.