When There’s Something I Need to Learn, the Universe Puts Certain People in My Path

There’s something I’ve been noticing more and more, especially lately.

Fakeness. Performance. The gap between who someone actually is and who they’re presenting to the world.

And look, I get it. I’ve lived it for years. We all do to some extent.

When I was a personal trainer in Bondi, there was this unspoken rule that came with the job. You didn’t just have to be good at what you did. You had to look a certain way. Feel a certain way. Show up a certain way. Ripped. Happy. High energy. The picture of health — physically and energetically.

It’s like, if you’re teaching people how to feel good in their body, you better be the walking proof of it, right?

So no matter how exhausted I was, no matter how many alarms I’d set for 4am, I’d wake up and put the mask on. Smile. Be bright. Bubbly. Look good. Perform.

And honestly? It was f***ing exhausting.

The thing is, this isn’t just a fitness industry problem. We wear masks in so many areas of our lives — at work, in relationships, on social media. Anywhere we feel like we have to show up a certain way to be accepted, liked, seen.

And a lot of that starts way before we’re old enough to question it. From a young age we’re told: be a certain way, learn a certain way, do life a certain way. To be a good student you must…. To be successful you must… All these expectations and shoulds and rules slowly pile up. And somewhere along the way we start to believe that if we’re not performing this version of ourselves, we won’t be accepted. We won’t be good enough. We won’t be loved.

Which cracks open a whole other level of insecurity and comparisonitis. Because when you’re wearing a mask, you’re never quite sure who you are without it.

Social media has made all of this so much bigger.

And honestly, I was deep in it. As a PT, the way I showed up online. I used to post every single day — for views, for engagement, for my ‘business’. But also, if I’m being really honest, on some level, for validation. That little dopamine hit of people see me, people like me. And that incessant need to check how my post was performing after hitting publish? Yeah. I know that toxic trap really well…

Taking the majority of the year off social media has allowed me time to step back and reflect — why am I posting?? Am I doing this for me? Or am I trying to get a need met? Even now, sometimes I’ll post something and afterwards sit with it and think… what was I actually needing in that moment? Because when a post doesn’t feel authentic, there’s usually something underneath it. A need to be seen. To feel enough. To perform.

Here’s the thing though, and this gave me so much compassion for myself when I learned it — social media platforms were deliberately designed to keep us hooked, and they actually modelled pokie machines to do it. The likes, the comments, the notifications, they’re all a system of intermittent rewards, built to capture your attention and keep you coming back. So even when we’ve done the work, even when we’re no longer consciously seeking validation, we’re still human. We can still fall into the habit. And that’s not weakness, that’s by design.

The highlight reel we scroll through every day has completely warped our baseline. We see someone’s ‘perfect’ version of themselves and suddenly we feel like we’re falling short — not doing enough, not looking enough, not being enough. And the cycle continues...

Coming to Bali, moving into a slower culture where presence is actually the norm, it’s made the performance even more visible when I do see it. Like a contrast I can’t unsee. I notice the fakeness in others more clearly now. The inconsistency in moods and needs. The way people’s energy shifts depending on who’s watching.

But here’s the thing, that noticing could easily become judgment. And sometimes it does. But then I remember compassion. Because I know how heavy that mask is. I wore it for years. And everyone is just out here doing their best.

Certain people will be inconsistent with how they show up toward you, and a lot of the time it actually has nothing to do with you. They’re just getting their needs met. They’re performing. They’re exhausted by it too. The more compassion we can hold for that, the more peace we find.

Taking the mask off in my own life has taught me a few things.

I can see inauthenticity pretty quickly now — not from a place of judgment, but recognition.

Showing up on social media as myself - not this polished, perfect version, not posting for validation or to be seen a certain way — takes real mindfulness. Unlearning old habits doesn't happen overnight. But it’s the most freeing thing I’ve done.

And I want to be real with you - I still notice myself putting the mask back on sometimes. I’ll be in a moment and then afterwards catch myself like… oof, that wasn’t me. I didn’t like how I acted there. That didn’t feel authentic. But the difference now is I notice it so much quicker. And that awareness, bringing attention to it. That’s how you break free from the pattern. That’s the growth. It’s not about being perfectly unmasked all the time — it’s about building enough self-awareness to catch yourself and come back.

So wherever you are at right now - maybe you’re exhausted from performing. Maybe you’ve been showing up a certain way for so long you’ve forgotten what it even feels like to just… be you.

That’s okay. You don’t have to figure it all out at once. Just start by noticing.

Just know — it’s safe to be yourself. Not everyone will like you, and that’s okay. The right people will love you and accept you exactly as you are. And with them, you won’t need the mask.