I Was the Friend Everyone Leaned On, and I Walked Away Zapped

For a long time I thought that was just who I was. The supportive one. The one who made everyone feel good. I actually prided myself on it to an extent.

What I didn’t understand back then was why I always felt so wrecked afterwards.

It wasn’t until I started slowing down and doing the inner work that I truly understood what was actually happening. I’d always known I was an empath. I’d always known about my psychic abilities. But I didn’t understand the mechanics of it — why I was absorbing so much, why I couldn’t seem to switch it off, why other people’s energy was hitting me so hard. Why couldn’t I just be normal?

I would get so frustrated. And honestly I’d start blaming the other person for taking my energy. Until I came across an Aaron Doughty podcast where he broke down what was actually going on. As much as we want to blame others for taking our energy — we are also getting something from the dynamic. We are “gaining love.” Because in this dynamic they need us. We are the support, the one who lifts them up. But in that process we are also “taking” — because we are gaining love through being needed. When I finally saw it like that I stopped pointing the finger and started taking responsibility for my own part in it. That self awareness was the beginning of actually healing the pattern.

My strongest psychic ability is clairsentience — and if you’re an empath, there’s a good chance you have it too. It’s the ability to feel other people’s emotions and pain as if they were your own. It’s why we absorb what isn’t ours. It’s why we get energetically wiped out by other people. And it’s why being alone so often feels like the only place we can actually breathe.

I’ll never forget this moment.

One night I woke up in the middle of the night with this heavy, crushing pain in my heart. Heart racing. Anxious AF. I lay there trying to make sense of it because nothing was wrong in my life. I was fine. I had nothing to be anxious or sad about.

The next morning I had a PT client. She walked into her session and I knew instantly something was wrong. And she told me her boyfriend had broken up with her.

I had literally felt her heartbreak before she even told me it happened.

That is just one example. The amount of times similar things happened — I can’t even count anymore.

Back then I just knew I was sensitive to energy. I could feel other people’s pain and emotions like they were my own. It was meant to be a gift but it felt more like a curse. Because I didn’t know what to do with it, I started avoiding anyone and anything that was going through something hard. And I say it like that because I’m a very positive person — I love uplifting energy, I thrive in it. But having low emotions is also just a part of life. And I couldn’t even be a part of that for the people I loved without taking it all home with me. The alternative was spending a few hours with someone and then being wiped out for a week. Getting rashes. Migraines. Bed-ridden from anxiety and depressive thoughts that weren’t even mine.

And when I did spend time with people who drained me I’d end up running to my healer because I didn’t feel strong enough or believe I could clear it myself.

So I chose peace. I chose being on my own.

And over the years, that became my norm. My circle got smaller and smaller. Friends I’d had for years, people I genuinely loved — I slowly stopped making plans, stopped reaching out, let things fade. Or ended them completely.

It’s been over 5 years since I’ve been in an actual proper romantic relationship. Years since I’ve had a really close group of friends.

Which on reflection is so sad. Because I didn’t cut those people out because I didn’t love them or want them in my life. I cut them out because I didn’t know what else to do.

I want to be clear though — a lot of those friendships genuinely weren’t healthy. A lot of them I was people pleasing, accepting less than I deserved, not being treated well. So it’s a very fine line between pushing people away out of self-protection versus walking away because you actually respect yourself.

I’m still figuring out where that line is honestly.

But here’s what I know now that I didn’t know then.

Since slowing down and breaking free from hustle culture conditioning, my inner voice and discernment has become very loud. And so have my psychic abilities. So when it comes to new people and new friendships, I’m very aware of dynamics that don’t feel right. I can feel it quickly. And rather than entertaining something that doesn’t feel good, I trust that now.

The challenging part before was that I’d always second-guess myself. Was I actually picking up on something that wasn’t mine, or was it my own pain getting triggered? That self-doubt kept me stuck. Having the tools to protect myself energetically but not trusting them. Not trusting myself.

And here’s the thing — when your energy is leaking, when you’re not fully present in yourself, that’s when you open yourself up. Other people’s pain, anxiety, grief, heaviness — it finds the gaps and comes straight in. Protecting your energy isn’t just about what you do after. It starts before you even walk into the room.

That’s the part nobody talks about. Having the gifts but not trusting them. Sensing something clearly and then talking yourself out of it. The more I did the inner work, the more I started using the protection tools and listening to my intuition, the more I started to build trust in my own healing and protection abilities. That was the shift.

It’s only now that I truly believe in my own power and ability to protect myself.

And that’s what changed everything.

The techniques I’ve come to trust

Strong behavioural boundaries. Being authentically yourself in every space you enter. No shrinking. No performing. No people pleasing. When you show up as genuinely you, you’re energetically healthy. Because when your energy is leaking trying to be something you’re not, that’s when other people’s stuff gets in.

Strong energetic boundaries. Before entering any space or seeing anyone — protect yourself first. I visualise a white bubble around me. I call on Archangel Michael and my spirit guides for protection. It takes two minutes. And the more you do it the more you’ll start to believe it — because the very first time I did it, I didn’t believe or trust it either.

Cleansing and clearing. Daily tapping. Washing my hands with salt when I get home — or even during an interaction, slipping away to the bathroom to do it. Selenite and black tourmaline I always have on me — I keep them in my bra. And if I want extra clearing I burn palo santo. Sage is a bit too strong for me. You just need to find what works for you.

And this one I come back to constantly — I check in with myself. If I start to feel emotions that are strong and I sense they might not be mine, I put my hand on my heart and ask: is this theirs? If my heart expands, it’s theirs, not mine. And then I know I need to clear it. A lot of the time it’s anxiety, a heavy foggy brain, or even a physical sensation that mirrors something they’re going through. As soon as I feel it I say “return to sender” — and it’s off me and back where it belongs.

For a long time I thought it was just me. That something was wrong with me, I was too sensitive, too much. I went to healers looking for answers and left feeling judged instead of supported. No one told me this was something I could actually learn to navigate. That I could be an empath and still have deep, meaningful connections. That I didn’t have to choose between people and my peace.

But there is another way. You don’t have to disappear to feel safe. You just have to learn how to come home to yourself first and your self trust will build from there.