I Caught Myself Thinking, “This Trainer Has No Idea What She’s Doing”

Being an ex personal trainer, I always walk into any class with high expectations of the trainer. Actually, in any environment where I have some skill, it’s like I’m instantly scanning for flaws. It just automatically happens.

Mid class I got frustrated about an exercise. It felt wrong, I wasn’t feeling it in the right spot. And I kept noticing her stumbling over her words. I found myself thinking she didn’t know what she was doing.

Instead of focusing on my own training, I was completely focused on her ‘stuffing up’.

And then I caught myself.

I said to myself - let’s focus on what she’s doing well rather than where she’s falling short.

She had great visual cues. Positive energy. She was genuinely doing a good job.

Yesterday I watched a video by Aaron Doughty that landed. He said, when you find yourself shrinking, (even though I felt superior in the moment - another form of shrinking) try to see their inner child instead. How would you treat this person if they were a child standing in front of you?

Because here’s the thing. I wouldn’t have said I felt intimidated by her. Not consciously. But when I really sat with it - my ego did feel threatened on a level I wasn’t even aware of in the moment.

And that’s the subtle thing about judgement that most people miss.

Conscious intimidation feels like smallness - like they’re better than you. But subconscious ego threat looks completely different. It shows up as superiority. Criticism. Needing to find the flaw. Putting someone else down quietly so you can feel a little more above them. The feeling isn’t “I feel less than her” — it’s “she doesn’t know what she’s doing.” But underneath both is the exact same root. A quiet fear of not being enough.

Judgement is just ego’s defence mechanism. And I hadn’t even realised mine had kicked in.

And when we judge others, it says nothing about them and everything about us. It means there’s something unhealed in me that’s being reflected back.

I judged her because I hold those exact same high standards and expectations on myself. Especially when I was a trainer. Especially when I was learning something new. Her stumbling triggered something in me that recognised itself.

It had nothing to do with her.

It was my own perfectionism being mirrored back at me.

And when I find myself thinking someone isn’t good enough at something - underneath that is this quiet need to feel worthy. Better than. Like if I put someone else below me, I finally get to feel like enough.

But that’s just ego. And ego is a low vibe state.

When we’re in ego, we’re in a contracted state - closed off, defensive, reactive. And neuroscience actually backs this up. When the ego is running the show, it activates the brain’s default mode network — the part responsible for self-referential thinking and social comparison. An overactive ego creates defensive neural patterns that keep you stuck, resistant, and interpreting the world as a threat to your identity.

Essentially, judgement puts your brain into a mild stress response. It keeps you small. Contracted. And when you’re contracted, you’re blocking yourself from receiving - good energy, connection, growth, all of it. You literally cannot be open and judgemental at the same time.

Compassion does the opposite. It activates the prefrontal cortex - the part of your brain responsible for higher thinking, empathy and emotional regulation. One expands you. One shrinks you.

Sure, it helps to analyse why we’re thinking or acting in certain ways - awareness is always the first step. But a lot of the time it really just comes down to this.

Seeing each other as equals. As each other’s inner child.

We’re all out here doing our best with where we’re at. Nobody is above or below. We are equal.

And if putting someone down made me feel enough - it doesn’t. It just makes me feel worse. And it sends that energy straight back out into the world.

Judgement keeps you small. Compassion sets you free.

So I chose to see her as her inner child. I focused on what she was doing well. And that combination softened me completely.

I left that class feeling good about her. And good about myself.

Because when you can shift your perspective from the flaws, the judgement and choose to see the human instead, everything changes. Not just for them.

But for you.

And that’s where the real freedom is.