I Started Breaking Free from the System Before I Even Had the Words for It

🎧 “Sailor Song” – Gigi Perez

My desire for freedom started in my teens. My first leap was at 21.

Up until this point, I had been doing all the things we were “meant” to do. The things society expected of us. I went to school, got a good education, worked my way up the ladder to get into a good uni — all just to make good money?

That was the belief we were sold.

As a kid, I had no idea what I wanted to be when I was older. And when it came time to choose a subject for uni, I literally opened the university handbook, pointed at something, and landed on Graphic Design. I honestly didn’t even know what that was at the time.

I ended up studying a Bachelor of Design.

I had already been working since I was 16 and continued working as a barista/manager, running a café while completing my full-time studies. I genuinely had no clue what I was going to do when I finished uni. I just remember wanting it to be over so I could finally be free.

After 3.5 years of study and work, I got my degree and thought, now what?

I knew there was no way in hell I wanted to get a “real” job. To me, it was too much responsibility. Too locked down. Aka trapped.

So I kept working at the café a little longer, saving money. Just caught in Groundhog Day.

Shortly after I graduated, my boyfriend of eight years broke up with me.

Of course, at 21, it felt like my whole world was crashing down. I remember sitting outside by the pool in absolute hysterics, cigarette in mouth, bawling my eyes out. My mum came home early and saw me — mind you, I had always hidden that I smoked.

She looked at me and said, “What’s wrong?” Then pointed at the cigarette.

And I was like, “I don’t careeeee mum.”

She dropped the smoking thing instantly. Priorities haha.

At 21, I had no idea how to regulate my emotions. He was my first love. Our lives were completely in sync. I worked for his parents managing their restaurant. My friends were his friends. My life was his life.

I had completely lost myself in that relationship. I had no identity outside of it. And at that age, I didn’t know any better.

Forever my breakup song was ‘Down’ by Jay Sean. I remember driving in my newly bought car, blasting it, bawling my eyes out — yet somehow feeling empowered that I was moving on at the same time.

Anyway, back to the story.

It felt like everything I had worked so hard for — making my way through school and uni while juggling work — was meant to be this magical, celebratory milestone moment. I had done it. Put in the hard work. Got the degree. Had the savings.

But it was the opposite.

I had just lost my boyfriend. Lost my friends. Lost my life as I knew it.

But little did I know at the time… it would be the greatest thing that could have ever happened to me.

Once I started to come out of the breakup fog, I began thinking about what I actually wanted.

The thing I knew for sure: I wanted to travel. I wanted sunshine. I wanted freedom. And I wanted to get the fuck out of Sydney.

I did not want to start my career and get locked down.

I had heard about people working on tropical islands, teaming up with holiday goers and showing them around like tour guides. Being paid to travel and explore. I thought that would be the coolest job ever.

So I started applying for jobs in North Queensland, in the Whitsundays.

Before I knew it, I had an interview. The next day, I got the call. “Congratulations, you got the job.”

On a remote little island called Brampton Island, an island so isolated you could only get there by a boat that left once a day or a teeny tiny three-seater plane.

About a 2.5-hour flight from Sydney (my hometown), followed by a 30-minute ferry ride.

The job started less than a week after I applied.

It was wild how fast everything started happening. One minute I was stuck, heartbroken, feeling sorry for myself and so over my life. The next minute, my life had done a full 180. I was packing everything into a suitcase. Booking a flight. Having a farewell party.

In an instant, my world changed. (It just goes to show: when you’re in alignment, when something is meant for you, the universe will make it happen fast.)

I was excited. Scared shitless. But deep down, I knew it was the right move.

People thought I was crazy. “Shouldn’t you be starting your career?” “You’ve just finished uni.” “Isn’t that a bit risky?”

But I didn’t let their negative beliefs stop me. I knew this was what I wanted.

I remember feeling both excitement and fear when telling people I was moving to the Whitsundays. Excitement because I was finally choosing myself. Fear because I knew I wasn’t following “the rules.”

And then, when I finally boarded the plane. It became reality.

As the plane started to take off, I stared out the window. For the first time in a long time, it was quiet. No noise. No expectations. No relationship. No routine.

Just me.

And in that moment, an overwhelming wave of emotion crashed over my entire body. Tears poured down my face. Breathing uncontrollably. Heart hammering out of my chest.

And the only thought running through my mind:

What the fuck am I doing?

Next up: Find out what happened on the other side of my leap.

Also on my Substack.